Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Feeling, doing, thinking (AWAKENING 3)

At some point today I noticed that I was feeling angry or grumpy or just generally out of sorts for no discernible reason, and for some reason I thought of Vittoria. She must sometimes just feel these strong emotions and not really know where they come from - joyful, sad, angry, etc.

What would Vittoria do, I asked myself, if she were feeling how I'm feeling today?

Her ruby lips would twist into a cruel sneer and her eyes would glitter like black diamonds. She would go wild. She would tear down the curtains and claw the wallpaper to shreds. She would snap at people. She would gnash her teeth and scream and run through briars to feel their scratch. She might even punch things, like trees that would leave her knuckles bloody. She'd probably find a few people to bite, too, and she would not be gentle.

Yes, today's the kind of day when I wish I were still practicing martial arts. Sigh.

I was thinking it's kind of odd that I'm so hung up on Vittoria and spending so much time thinking about her lately, but then I realized that it's quite natural, considering I've had a couple years to get to know Torren and even longer to get to know Lilly. Vittoria's a major character in this next book, so it only makes sense that I'd want to understand her.

And, of course, understanding Vittoria better helps me understand that part of myself that she represents. The frightening part that is all feeling and reaction to feeling with no regard for consequences.

Which reminds me: I had a kind of epiphany the other day about Torren, Lilly and Vittoria. I think they each represent (to a large extent) a mode of being.

Let me back up a little. I think there are three modes of being, three types of people: thinkers, feelers, and doers. Which is not to say that people who are thinkers never do or feel, nor that feelers never think or do, etc. Just saying that I consider myself to be primarily a thinker, and my mother is primarily a doer, and I have a friend who is primarily a feeler.

And in that framework, Torren is a thinker, Lilly is a doer, and Vittoria is a feeler. Beth is a doer and Carrie is a feeler. Jamie, too, is probably a doer. Anyway, you get the idea. It seems important to me to understand my characters in this way because it helps me not only understand how each of them would react in a given situation but also how Lilly and Torren need to grow. Torren needs to get out of his head a little more, and Lilly's journey thus far has been all about feeling things, which she prevented herself from doing for a long while.

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