The third post in my guest post series about the value of romance and erotica is by erotica author (and reader) Christina Harding. In addition to writing erotica, Christina runs a fabulous feminist, sex-positive blog about romance and erotica, which you should totally check out when you get the chance. For now, I'm honored to bring you her contribution to this conversation. Read on to find out how reading erotica saved Christina's marriage.
"How Erotica Saved My Marriage!" by Christina Harding
For those who don't know there are many factors that go into a loss of sex drive. In my case, it had little to do with anything my husband did. I was simply not interested, couldn't get in the mood, and generally bored by sex. I felt like it was a huge time commitment when I had a lot of other things going on. Basically, my loss of sex drive was due to stress and anxiety.
But, I was not happy about this. I greatly missed the days when I saw sex as a stress reliever as opposed to a stressor. I missed wanting sex. I also felt a ton of guilt because my husband felt really bad about it, and was internalizing my lack of sex drive as an indicator that I didn't find him attractive. I felt like finding a way to break out of this rut was important for my marriage.
Then by a stroke of fate, I started reading erotica. Somehow, my sex drive light was lit, and I was craving the attentions of my husband again. After reading erotica for the first time, I literally climbed on top of my husband at 3:00 am, much to his gleeful surprise. A piece of lost intimacy was rekindled, and we started having some of the best sex of our marriage.
Many think of erotica as being a genre that single virgins read because they aren’t getting any action. But, I think this image is a disservice to erotica. By its nature, erotica encourages readers to become open minded about their sexuality and provides them with fresh ideas for the bedroom. Erotica can be a tool for enriching a couple’s most intimate time, and a healthy sex life can do nothing but add to a healthy marriage. For this reason, I think erotica is an important body of writing.
Christina Harding is a pseudonym. She is the author of Underneath the Gargoyle, a paranormal erotic novelette. She also blogs at www.christinahardingerotica.blogspot.com and tweets @tinaerotica. Christina is happily married and enjoys reading naughty stories with her husband.